Munchkin asks me this a few times a day. My heart melts each time. Who else in the world is worried all day about my being happy. No one. Just my little munchkin. And I love her for it.
It's a daily reminder of why I am doing this. Why I agonize over the correct amount of fruits and veggies getting into Munchkins diet or if Cupcakes double chin is getting aired out so as to avoid infection. The minuetea of motherhood..the tiny details of a daily life that mean nothing individually...and sometimes drive you insane...
you wonder constantly why you worry, care so much, does any of it even matter, what difference does it make if munchkin isn't wearing a jacket on a slightly chilly days, if she wore her rain boots without socks. Does cupcake get enough attention from me, why isnt she rolling over yet...You wonder day in and day out if you are doing thing right, and you worry. Oh how you worry.
You want to care about none of it, to breeze through motherhood without any worries, confident in your every step as a mama. And in the grand scheme of things you know that all the tiny little things you cared so deeply about don't really matter. A pair of socks will not define my daughter. I know this. And yet. But the truth is you do care, it all matters to you. The worrying, the thinking, the teaching, the organizing is constant in the life of any mother.
Sometimes I despair that I will ever have a moment again without worry or constant vigilance. And then munchkin asks me, Mama are you happy? And when I say Yes. The smile that comes to her face. It lights up the room. I realize in that moment that every second I have worried or cared has been worth it. The sum total of my worries have been my little girls entire world. She is happy and well adjusted because for now I can carry all her worries, have all the fears. For now, she can simply be happy and have only one worry. Is mama happy?
That in the grand scheme of things means I am doing something right. Amongst all the doubts, the sleepless nights,mother countless failed attempts at effective parenting...somewhere deep in there. I have done something right. Too bad, I'm not quite sure it is that I did do right. But it was something fundamental and important. So Alhm for that.
It's a daily reminder of why I am doing this. Why I agonize over the correct amount of fruits and veggies getting into Munchkins diet or if Cupcakes double chin is getting aired out so as to avoid infection. The minuetea of motherhood..the tiny details of a daily life that mean nothing individually...and sometimes drive you insane...
you wonder constantly why you worry, care so much, does any of it even matter, what difference does it make if munchkin isn't wearing a jacket on a slightly chilly days, if she wore her rain boots without socks. Does cupcake get enough attention from me, why isnt she rolling over yet...You wonder day in and day out if you are doing thing right, and you worry. Oh how you worry.
You want to care about none of it, to breeze through motherhood without any worries, confident in your every step as a mama. And in the grand scheme of things you know that all the tiny little things you cared so deeply about don't really matter. A pair of socks will not define my daughter. I know this. And yet. But the truth is you do care, it all matters to you. The worrying, the thinking, the teaching, the organizing is constant in the life of any mother.
Sometimes I despair that I will ever have a moment again without worry or constant vigilance. And then munchkin asks me, Mama are you happy? And when I say Yes. The smile that comes to her face. It lights up the room. I realize in that moment that every second I have worried or cared has been worth it. The sum total of my worries have been my little girls entire world. She is happy and well adjusted because for now I can carry all her worries, have all the fears. For now, she can simply be happy and have only one worry. Is mama happy?
That in the grand scheme of things means I am doing something right. Amongst all the doubts, the sleepless nights,mother countless failed attempts at effective parenting...somewhere deep in there. I have done something right. Too bad, I'm not quite sure it is that I did do right. But it was something fundamental and important. So Alhm for that.
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