Conquering the Playground

Munchkin took a huge, huge step in her little life. I was so proud. Her teachers and I actually hugged and were chatting like giddy teenagers over this small but so huge accomplishment.

Munchkin went down the slide at the playground and then raced the other kids down the slide.

It sounds like a small thing and for anyone who knows Munchkin it sounds even stranger....because my kid loves the playground. She is fearless when it comes to the slides, running up and down the bridges, climbing like a little monkey all over the play sets. She loves the slides... 

One of the things that attracted me to this school was that there was a playground for the kids to play in and that was where drop off would happen. I guess in my head I had that image of my little girl waving her hand to me distractedly to say bye because she was so excited to get into the playground and play with her friends. I thought I would stand there for a few minutes to talk to the other mothers at drop off, keeping one eye on my daughter as she ran up and down the stairs to the slide.

But thats not what happened at all. Couldnt have been further from the truth.

First, she cried for monthes at drop off. She hated it. She wouldnt let go of my hand. She was upset. clingy and miserable. At the playground where I had envisioned so many hours of happy laughter, scrapped knees, and loud shouts of glee. It was a gut wrenching experience, I questioned myself daily as a parent. I didnt know if it was the right move for our daughter. She wasnt happy and it was killing me. I felt I had done a disservice to my dauther, I pushed her too fast and too hard, she wasnt ready for school. I considered pulling her out of school but my husband held firm...

Thank god he did. Munchkin slowly came around. She started to enjoy school, was excited to show me her work at pick up, she loved her teachers and you could see she was well liked by her classmates. 

But there was still drop off. 

Munchkin had stopped crying at drop off, she would even turn and say bye bye to me, giving me a small smile. But then she would step into the playground and simply stand there. Next to her teachers. Girls and boys would run up to Munchkin, excited to see her and would even take her hand to pull her into their game. But my child resisted. She stood there quietly next to her teacher, just observing everyone play. It bothered me to watch this. morning after morning, week after week. 

I wanted so much for my daughter to run off to play with the other kids. I wanted to hear her shouts and laughter as I walked away. But nope, she just stood there. Day after Day. 

I was so frustrated. All my feelings of guilt rose up again. It was my husband again who calmed me down, he said it will happen, give her time. She will do it at her own pace, not the pace you want. It was hard for me, I told him, I cant watch her just stand there the whole time. He promised me it would happen. 

It didnt happen, 

and then it didnt happen.

Cupcake was born, and it didnt Happen,

The weather changed, and it didnt happen.

And then it did. Almost a year into going to school, just as I was beginning to give up hope and the despair had settled into acceptance. It happened. I went to pick up Munchkin and her teachers were waiting for me, so excited. Ill never forget that moment when Ms. C said to me. She did it, she went down the slide and then she started racing other kids down the slide. I held my breathe as she approached the slide. I was so excited. 

I dont think I will ever be able to describe that moment. I was so proud of my Munchkin. She did it. I bent down as she ran up to me to give her a hug. I said, Munchkin did you go on the slide today. And she said to me. I DID IT MAMA! and gave me a high five. Omg. her face, the way it lit up with a sense of accomplishment. It was the best moment I have had so far in this journey of parenting. It beat all the kisses, smiles, coos, EVERYTHING I had experienced to date. It was the best. Just the best. 

This experience taught me so much. My child is an individual, she has her own timetable, she wont dance to my timetable. She will do things when she is ready to. She is unique. I cant make it happen for her no matter how badly I want something. Whatever I want, I have to remember that she is not me. She wont have my personality. I can only provide the encouragement and guidance...but she has to do it. She has to slide down the slide by herself, when she is ready to. Patience. I need to have patience, something so incredibly difficult for me. Patience. My munchkin needs my patience. Because only patience will bring more moments of...

MAMA, I DID IT!!!

Best. Moment. Ever.